put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
