His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
