no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
