I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Two words: blizzard sex
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
