I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
