the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
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