So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
