i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
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