Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
