Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
