i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
