I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
