I like my sex mixed with concussions.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
