Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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