she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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