I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
