I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize