I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
He felt like a one man threesome
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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