my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
