I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize