Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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