Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
