I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize