i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
