Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
my poor anus
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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