when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
i've created a new STD.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
