Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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