I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
