Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
