The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
do herpes really smell.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
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