I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
