He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
