It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
