i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
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