You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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