I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
