He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
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