Hey man sorry I got all grabby
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
