True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
