I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
