And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
