So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
