am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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