2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
