Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Let's paint friendship bongs
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
