Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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