your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I have fence marks all over my body
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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