its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
