i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
