Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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