"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
