I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
