why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
