I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
