i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
