they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
