I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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