i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize