about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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