No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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