yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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