i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
