Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
