I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
