If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
