you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
