i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
