I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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