Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
