I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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