Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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