I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
